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Eris and the Apple of Discord

Discordians worship Eris, Goddess of Chaos, Discord and Confusion.

It seems that Zeus was preparing a wedding banquet for Peleus and Thetis and did not want to invite Eris because of Her reputation as a trouble maker. This is known as the Original Snub and made Eris very angry. She then fashioned an apple of pure gold and inscribed upon it KALLISTI ("to the Prettiest One"). On the day of the Banquet, She rolled the apple in the hall and left to be alone and joyously partake of a hot dog.

The rest of the story is common knowledge: Athena, Hera and Aphrodite each claimed the apple belonged to herself because of the inscription. The banquet turned into a big fight and Zeus decided to calm things down by designing an arbitrator, a shepherd of Troy named Paris.

Each of the three Goddesses tried to bribe Paris. Athena offered him Heroic War Victories, Hera offered him Great Wealth, and Aphrodite offered him the Most Beautiful Woman on Earth. Since Paris was a horny little bastard, he choose Aphrodite as the Prettiest Goddess and he got screwed.

The Most Beautiful Women on Earth happened to be Helen, wife of Menelaus, the King of Sparta. Menelaus got really pissed off when Helen was taken away from him and he declared war on Troy. The Trojan War ensued and lasted for years. And so we suffer because of the Original Snub.

Principia Discordia

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The Revelation

At some time in the sixties, two young Californians, known later as Omar Ravenhurst and Malaclypse the Younger, were indulging in their habit of sipping coffee at an allnight bowling alley and generally solving the world's problems. Suddenly, time halted, except for them. A flash of light revealed a chimpanzee, shaggy and grey about the muzzle. He spoke of the Confusion in all the world and how somebody had to put it all here. Then, he showed them a scroll on which was drawn a diagram, like a yin-yang symbol with a pentagon on one side and an apple on the other. The chimpanzee vanished and the two lost consciousness.

In the following days, they searched libraries to find the significance of the chimpanzee's diagram. It was not until they traced the Greek writings on the Apple that they discovered the ancient Goddess known to the Greeks as ERIS and to the Romans as DISCORDIA. This was on the fifth night, and when they slept that night, each had a vivid dream of a splendid woman who spoke in a warm and gentle voice:

"I have come to tell you that you are free. Many ages ago, My consciousness left man, that he might develop himself. I return to find this development approaching completion, but hindered by fear and by misunderstanding.

You have built for yourselves psychic suits of armor, and clad in them, your vision is restricted, your movements are clumsy and painful, your skin is bruised, and your spirit is broiled in the sun.
I am chaos. I am the substance from which your artists and scientists build rhythms. I am the spirit with which your children and clowns laugh in happy anarchy. I am chaos. I am alive, and I tell you that you are free."

(K)  - All rights reversed
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